New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
