nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
