at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
