I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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