And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I wish i was in the wii world.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
