so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
