It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
