u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
