Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
