Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
sarcasm needs its own font
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
