i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
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