dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
