I will die if light touches me.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Let's get the cat blown out
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
