We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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