Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
