I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
