Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
