It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
