Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
