You're completely useless in the revolution.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Randomize
