Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
it was like eating out sand paper
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
