Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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