Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
