you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
