i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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