She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
