i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
