i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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