It's Friday. Sex?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
