I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
