Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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