Already got asked if we're dating
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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