There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
