her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
