I wish i was in the wii world.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
