Already got asked if we're dating
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
