Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Randomize
