this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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