She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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