We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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