we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
