dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
