smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
