Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
