my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
