I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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