I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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