You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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