i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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