do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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